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“I shouldn’t have that smoothie…there’s too much sugar in it.” This was a typical thought I used to have about a lot of foods. My entire 20s and most of my 30s were spent trying to be “good” when it came to my eating. I did a lot of research on what was healthy, different diets, how the body metabolizes carbs versus fats, and how different foods impact blood sugars.
I still remember when I tried the Atkins diet back in 2013…I had a headache for a week straight and was slugging water and chicken stock in an attempt to stay hydrated, hoping this would make my headache go away. I will never forget the moment I said, “F*ck it,” ordered Jimmy Johns, and bit into that sub, putting an end to my Atkins diet. And my headache instantly went away!
My lifelong struggle with weight loss and body consciousness…
Over my life, my weight has yo-yoed several times, beginning in high school. When I would lose weight, I’d feel great! I’d enjoy shopping for new clothes, going out and being social, taking photos of myself. When I’d gain the weight back, well… I’m sure you can guess how I felt. I didn’t enjoy looking in the mirror or trying on clothes, and I felt self-conscious going out. My self-worth seemed to be tied to the way I looked.
My thoughts and beliefs about food and my weight caused me to remain stuck in this binge-restrict cycle for years. When I would eat what I craved I would feel guilty. When I would restrict the “bad foods” I felt seriously deprived, which just made me crave them even more.
Over the years I became obsessed with food. It spilled into my hobbies and I spent a lot of time focusing on it. I’d watch a lot of Food Network shows, read cookbooks and food magazines, scroll Pinterest for hours to look for recipes. I justified it by calling myself a “Foodie” or say I was researching recipes to hone my skills in the kitchen. I fell in love with cooking and baking. And not to brag or anything, but I became pretty good at it.
The moment I decided to change…
And then one day I got sick of it all. Sick of feeling out of control. Sick of feeling confused about what to eat. Sick of thinking about food ALL OF THE TIME.
So I sought help. I started seeing a dietician and a therapist. And throughout my time working with them I learned:
· How to stop the whole binge-restrict cycle (I had to completely stop restricting and let myself have what I wanted until I didn’t really want it anymore, which was scary because I feared I wouldn’t ever stop craving the “bad” foods).
· I had been coping with stress by eating (I had to put together a solid self-care routine and practice healthy coping strategies to replace the unhealthy coping strategies I had been turning to).
· Carbs aren’t actually the devil. They serve an important purpose for our bodies and are immediate energy we can use.
· Everybody has a predetermined weight set point that their body strives to be at. For some people, their weightt set point is higher and because of this, if they lose weight, their body will slow down their metabolism, forcing them to gain it back, until it is back at the desired weight.
· Radical acceptance for the way I look.
· My appearance does not and should not contribute to my self-worth.
· How to tap into my intuition to give my body what it actually needs.
My dietician recommended I read a book called the F*ck it Diet. This book was my A-HA moment…the catalyst for my transformed relationship with food. In it I read about research data and food and nutrition information that I hadn’t ever come across in my own personal research over the years. Reading it helped me to fully surrender and let go of all of my limiting beliefs about food.
I highly recommend this book because it literally changed my life. If you want to be exposed to research and data not typically covered by the mainstream sources, give it a read. Whether or not you embrace all its teachings as truth, sometimes it’s good to expose ourselves to other…perspectives.
My life now that I’ve achieved balance…
Today I’m happy to say that I’ve made peace with food. I no longer feel out of control or have strong cravings I must try and suppress. It feels good to have achieved what is referred to as “food neutrality.” Surprisingly, this has helped me to gravitate towards more nutrient dense foods because I no longer have the lure of the “bad” or “unhealthy” foods, since I know I can have those too.
I’ve come to a place where I feel more balanced, not just in my relationship with food but in my relationship with myself as well. I’m finally tapped into my intuition, which I had been suppressing for years and instead had been relying on my limiting beliefs and my “shoulds” to navigate what my body needs.
And the best part? I won’t be passing down any biases to my kids about food, causing them to engage in the same painful binge-restrict and yo-yo dieting that I had done for almost 20 years of my life.
Today if I want a smoothie, I make myself the smoothie and I drink it guilt free. I no longer focus on the sugar of the fruit, yogurt or the probiotic juice. Instead, I focus on what benefits I get from the ingredients. The carbs in the sugars are energy my body has immediately available to use. The fruit gives me vitamins and minerals my body needs. The yogurt and juice have probiotics for my gut health. Plus, I add extra stuff that my body needs, such as hemp seeds for extra protein and ground flax seeds for omega 3s.
And since I no longer restrict, I don’t feel the need to drink a large smoothie. I feel satiated with a smaller portion.
Speaking of smaller portions, I used to really struggle with making too much smoothie when I would use my full-sized blender. I’ve been using my Ninja personal blender for several years now and it has really helped me to make the perfect portions, so that I’m not wasting ingredients.
If you don’t have one, I love this one because it has:
· A 900-Peak-Watt Motor (I’ve burned other blender’s motors out before by trying to blend too many ingredients…but I have yet to burn out my Ninja!)
· It’s Dishwasher safe (and even if you don’t put it in the dishwasher, it’s way less cumbersome to wash than my full sized blender)
· Two to go cups that you use to blend your ingredients in (again, cutting down on the amount of dishes I have to wash)
· And finally, I think it’s worthy to note that, per Amazon, this blender is returned less frequently other similar blenders. It was rated 4.7 out of 5 stars by over 50,000 people. (See? It’s a keeper! 😀)
This blender has actually become a valuable multipurpose tool in my kitchen. Not only do I use it for smoothies, I use it to:
· Break down bread crumbs and spices for coating so they stick to chicken better
· Blend eggs for creamier, fluffier omelets and quiche
· Blend homemade salad dressings to give them a richer consistency
And it’s way easier to wash than my full-sized blender or food processor.
One last important piece of my journey…
As mentioned above, a pivotal piece of my treatment was implementing a solid self-care routine to help me cope with stressors and my emotions in a healthy way, since I was no longer turning to food to cope.
If you’re curious about what a self-care routine should include or maybe you want to assess your current routine, to see where you can improve, I’ve put together a self-care assessment and plan that you can grab for free right here.
If any of my journey with food or self-care resonates with you, I’d love to connect!
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