If you know me, or used to know me, but have not really interacted with me on a personal level in the last 2 years…no you don’t. Because that version of Erin no longer exists. You see, the last two years of my life have been my most transformative years to date. I’ve learned a lot of lessons over the course of my life but they all seemed to come together, on top of some new ones, in the last two years. How did I get them to come together like pieces of a puzzle? Shadow Work. In this post, I’ll discuss what Shadow Work is, the benefits of doing it, and provide resources to help get you started on your own Shadow Work journey.
First, a little bit about me…
I’ve always been a very spiritual person. I grew up going to church, and still do, but I’m also very interested in astrology, numerology, human design, and tarot. What can I say? I’m an enigma!
I’ve also had a very strong interest in psychology for the longest time. I actually declared my major when I was only a junior in high school. People, their differences, similarities, behavior, etc., fascinate me, and I always knew I wanted to work with people in some capacity. I often joke with my husband who works in Finance that I work with people and he works with numbers (and as a result I have way better stories at the end of my day).
Throughout my 20s and 30s, I had a number of personal and professional experiences which have continued to evolve the way I think about and experience life. Some of the lessons I’ve had to learn I feel were karmic, including: marital troubles, divorce, career changes, re-marriage, step-motherhood, miscarriages, and post-partum motherhood.
Now, I had spent almost 20 years learning these hard lessons but I didn’t really start to piece them together until I had my son in my late 30s. They say motherhood changes you, and in my experience this was certainly true. Becoming a mother certainly was the catalyst for my personal transformation over the last two years.
How My Transformation Began…
In the year following the birth of my son, I struggled with intrusive and unwanted thoughts. I would have horrible images flash through my mind of the various ways my son could accidentally die (SIDS, someone accidentally dropping him, developing an incurable disease, etc.). Because of these thoughts and the anxiety they produced, I was eventually diagnosed with post-partum OCD and I set off on my personal journey of healing.
During this time, I saw a therapist, read a lot of books, listened to a lot of educational podcasts, and really dove further into my spirituality. I began to put everything together and realized something…I have had an inability to connect with and truly love myself for a long time, and this has been holding me back personally, professionally, romantically, etc.
I first needed to address the way I had been coping with stress because it was not always healthy. I often utilized distraction coping and dissociation, such as binge watching tv shows, scrolling TikTok for hours, or stress eating, to escape the discomfort I felt within my body and my feelings. These coping methods were causing me to become more and more disconnected from myself. In order to reconnect with and ground myself, I began to meditate and journal regularly. I also implemented a solid self care plan. I doubled down on setting healthy boundaries and I developed my intuition to better recognize when my body needed food, water, rest, etc. I discovered shadow work and used this as a tool to increase my self awareness and move towards radical self acceptance, helping to better regulate my emotions and dismantle my limiting beliefs.
I say my son was the catalyst for this journey because I had become very worried that my inability to feel connected to myself and cope in a healthy way would result in an inability to connect with him, and, as his primary care giver, this might affect his attachment and his future relationships. Afterall, you can’t effectively connect with someone who isn’t present. And we’re not present when we’re not coping in a way that helps us to remain grounded.
True connection with others begins with a deep and honest connection to ourselves.
What is Shadow Work?
Shadow work has been instrumental in my healing journal. The term “Shadow work” might sound dark and mysterious, but it is really just an introspective process meant to increase self-awareness, facilitate self-acceptance, and address limiting beliefs that hold you back from success, to achieve personal growth and wholeness.
Your “shadow” represents all of the traits you possess which you have learned are undesirable, such as dishonesty, greed, pride, being judgmental, etc. Even though they may be undesirable, those traits are a big part of the human experience and we ALL possess them, to varying degrees.
Our brains, in an effort to be helpful, work to minimize these traits or hide the fact we have them, creating some pretty huge blind spots for us to walk around life with. Furthermore, our brain holds onto the lessons about how we should and shouldn’t act and turns them into beliefs that influence the choices we make, without us even realizing it. These beliefs can impact our romantic relationships, friendships, parenting, vocational pursuits, personal interests and self-discipline.
There are many benefits to doing shadow work, including:
- Better understanding of oneself
- Improving self-confidence
- Improving Relationships
- Better Emotional Regulation
- Discovery of your hidden inner strengths and talents
- Increasing empathy and compassion towards others
- Clarity on how your thoughts and emotions cause you to act the way you do
- Reduction or elimination of self-sabotaging behaviors
How You Can Do The Work…
If you’re interested in learning more about what shadow work involves and how to begin to do this work, I’ve created a 129 page eBook to teach you the principles of shadow work and get you started on your journey.
This book not only serves as a resource to learn how to do shadow work, it also serves as a model to implement healthy coping strategies which allow you to connect with yourself so that you can have healthy and fulfilling relationships with others.
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Finally,
At this time I am accepting applicants for my Coaching Program – Relationship Renovation: Transforming Connections.
This is a 90 day program designed to help you:
- Live a more mindful, present and intentional life in order to recognize and address unhealthy patterns and beliefs
- Embrace your shadows to heal what has been holding you back (aka shadow work)
- Strengthen your relationship skills to better connect and improve your relationships
This is a 1:1 coaching program where I aim to work closely with participants to help them see results; therefore, spaces are limited.
If you’re interested in learning more or applying, schedule a complimentary 30 minute Discovery Call with me here:
Thank you for taking the time to read this post and consider the resources within to aid you on your journey to healthier connections!