A few months ago I learned about Glimmers while scrolling through Pinterest and immediately fell in love with the concept. If you’ve never heard of a Glimmer, it is defined by the Newport Institute as as a “tiny micro moment of joy; a fleeting everyday moment that elicits a rush of happiness, gratitude, calm, peace, safety or goodwill.”
Flash forward to sometime last week, I was listening to an episode of the Mel Robinson podcast. In it, Mel shared a similar concept designed to help you reprogram your brain for positivity by looking for “hearts” in your surroundings. It reminded me of Glimmers and got me thinking about my personal beliefs on how we are our own biggest driver of success (or failure) in our relationships; our mindset being a key player. And, ultimately, it inspired me to write this blog post on Glimmers from a relationship improvement standpoint.
Maybe you’ve stumbled across this blog post because you’re looking for simple ways to boost love and connection in your relationships. Or maybe you find yourself needing help with your mindset. In any event, if you’re looking to create more happiness, gratitude, peace and love within your life and relationships, read on to learn how this one simple practice can help you do just that!
Table of Contents
How Glimmers Affect Our Mindset
How Spotting Glimmers Helps You Improve Your Relationships
How to Spot and What to Do With a Glimmer
Tips for Implementing this Practice and Making it a Habit
Glimmers Further Defined
As stated above, a Glimmer is a tiny micro moment of joy; a fleeting everyday moment that elicits a rush of happiness, gratitude, calm, peace, safety or goodwill. It is actually a mindfulness concept, designed to help you focus and ground yourself in the present. It takes mindfulness a step further, however, because it encourages you to really soak in all of the good feels.
If mindfulness is a new concept or practice to you and you’d like to learn more, check out my previous blog post titled: How Mindfulness Can Transform Every Area of Your Life and Why Everyone Should Be Practicing It
Now, let’s review some examples of what Glimmers are, to better understand them.
Some examples of Glimmers in your everyday life include:
- Hearing your favorite song come on the radio
- Spotting a brightly colored bird in your yard
- Seeing a shooting star or rainbow
- A really good cup of coffee
- Receiving a text message from a friend that makes you smile
- A sweet treat that you savor
- Picking or Admiring a beautiful flower as you walk by
- A brand new book you can’t wait to start reading
- A smile or hug from your child
- Admiring seasonal decorations in your or other people’s yards
- That moment when you step outside and it feels like spring for the first time that year (for those of you who don’t live in a colder climate – it’s a pretty exciting moment)
Some examples of Glimmers within a relationship include:
- Finding a sweet note from your partner
- A moment of spontaneous laughter between you and your partner
- A gentle, loving touch
- A spoken compliment you receive
- Small acts of service, such as your partner completing a dreaded chore
- A long hug or kiss
- Words of encouragement or support you receive
- When your partner cares for you when you’re sick
- Talking about shared dreams or goals with your partner
- Receiving a “check in” text message to see how your day is going
We have the opportunity to embrace Glimmers each day but oftentimes we’re so distracted that we don’t even notice them. Or, if we do notice them, we’re in a rush and don’t take the time to fully take them in, appreciate, and get the full benefit from them.
How Glimmers Affect Our Mindset
When considering why Glimmers are beneficial to your mindset, it is helpful to consider the exact opposite of a Glimmer: a Trigger.
When we’re triggered, we experience a strong, negative emotional and physiological response. Our emotions start first in our bodies, not our brains, which shows you how little control logic has over our ability to avoid feeling triggered. First, our autonomic nervous system kicks in (fight or flight response), creating a stress response within our bodies. Our breathing usually shortens and becomes more rapid or shallow, our other non-vital systems (such as digestion) stop or slow down), our blood begins to pump furiously, and our muscles tense up. Then, we begin to identify an emotion (fear, anger, disgust). If we don’t do something to activate our parasympathetic nervous system (responsible for bringing us out of our fight or flight response), such as taking some deep breaths, performing a grounding exercise, or going through a progressive muscle relaxation, our body’s stress response can take quite a while to dissipate on it’s own, keeping us stuck and ruminating in this negative state.
Yikes! When it’s broken down like that, being triggered sounds …awful, right?
Here’s where it gets worse…we tend to notice more of what we focus on. Therefore, if you’re going through life focused on your triggers, you’re going to get REALLY good at noticing them. After a while you’ll become so good at noticing them that it will start to feel like they are everywhere and the only thing you experience. Before you know it, you may begin to feel as though life isn’t fair. You may feel like a victim. You might even lose your internal locus of control (a person’s belief that they have the ability to shape their own destiny through their choices and actions). You’re sucked right into a negative mindset.
If you’ve ever done the work to recognize and get out of a negative mindset before, I bet you’ve also noticed how having a negative mindset impacted (literally) every area of your life. If not, here are several ways your life is impacted by a negative mindset:
Mental Health: A negative mindset often contributes to feelings of anxiety, stress, depression, and low self-esteem. Constantly focusing on what could go wrong or replaying negative experiences can create a cycle of negative thinking, making it harder to break free from mental health struggles.
Relationships: Negative thinking can affect how you perceive others and how you interact with them. If you constantly assume the worst or see people’s actions through a lens of suspicion or cynicism, it can create tension and misunderstandings. This can lead to conflicts, difficulties in communication, and a lack of trust, all of which can strain relationships.
Career and Success: Negative thinking can hold you back from pursuing opportunities or taking risks because you focus more on potential failure than on potential success. This lack of confidence can result in missed opportunities, underachievement, or feelings of being stuck in your career. It may also affect your productivity and creativity, as a negative mindset leads to doubt and self-sabotage.
Physical Health: Chronic negativity can contribute to physical ailments, particularly related to stress. This might include headaches, high blood pressure, digestive issues, and a weakened immune system. The constant state of stress that often accompanies negative thinking can lead to burnout and a reduced quality of life.
Personal Growth: A negative mindset can hinder personal development by limiting your ability to see possibilities or embrace change. You may become stuck in comfort zones or resist opportunities for growth because you’re afraid of failure or disappointment. This stagnation can prevent you from discovering new strengths, learning new skills, and evolving as a person.
Decision Making: When you approach decisions with a negative outlook, you’re more likely to make choices based on fear or pessimism rather than objective thinking. You may avoid decisions altogether or make choices that don’t align with your long-term goals, which can lead to dissatisfaction or regret.
Overall Outlook on Life: A negative mindset can shape your overall view of the world. You may become more focused on the bad rather than the good, leading to a pessimistic outlook. This can cause you to miss out on joy, happiness, and gratitude in everyday experiences.
As you can see, there is a clear ripple effect caused by a negative mindset. It can taint everything it comes across.
Luckily, a positive mindset can be just as infectious as a negative one…and the effects are drastically different. Here are the ways your life is impacted by a positive mindset:
Mental Health: A positive mindset supports emotional well-being by reducing the effects of stress, anxiety, and depression. When you focus on the positive, your brain is better able to cope with challenges, leading to improved resilience, reduced negative self-talk, and a greater sense of inner peace.
Relationships: A positive mindset helps you approach relationships with kindness, empathy, and understanding. By focusing on the strengths and positive qualities of others, you foster deeper connections, trust, and communication. It also allows you to navigate conflicts more constructively, strengthening bonds over time.
Career and Success: In the professional realm, a positive mindset increases your confidence, creativity, and problem-solving abilities. By viewing challenges as opportunities for growth, you’re more likely to take initiative, pursue goals with determination, and persist in the face of setbacks. This leads to increased job satisfaction, promotions and success.
Physical Health: A positive mindset has a direct impact on physical health. Optimism is linked to lower levels of stress, which in turn can reduce the risk of heart disease, improve immune function, and contribute to better sleep and overall well-being. Positive thinkers are also more likely to engage in healthy behaviors, such as regular exercise and balanced nutrition.
Personal Growth: A positive mindset opens you up to new experiences and opportunities for personal growth. It encourages a growth mindset, where challenges are seen as learning opportunities rather than obstacles. This allows you to continuously evolve, build new skills, and become self-aware.
Decision-Making: Positive thinking helps you make better decisions by focusing on possibilities and solutions rather than dwelling on problems. With a more optimistic outlook, you’re more likely to take calculated risks, trust your judgment, and feel confident in your choices, leading to better outcomes.
Stress Management: A positive mindset helps you manage stress more effectively. By reframing negative situations and viewing them as temporary or solvable, you reduce the emotional toll of stress. This allows you to maintain a sense of control and calm, even in challenging circumstances.
Overall Outlook on Life: A positive mindset shifts your overall perspective, making you more focused on the good in your life. This leads to a greater sense of gratitude, happiness, and contentment. When you expect the best outcomes and appreciate the present moment, life feels more fulfilling and purposeful.
Problem Solving and Creativity: When you approach life with a positive mindset, you are more likely to approach problems with an open and creative mind. Positive thinking enhances your ability to think outside the box, find innovative solutions, and stay motivated to keep pushing forward, despite setbacks.
Social Interactions and Networking: People are naturally drawn to positivity. By maintaining a positive attitude, you attract more social opportunities and meaningful connections. Your optimism can inspire and uplift others, fostering a network of supportive relationships, both personally and professionally.
Motivation and Persistence: A positive mindset fuels motivation and persistence. When you’re focused on the positives, you’re less likely to be discouraged by setbacks and failures. This resilience helps you stay on course, even when the going gets tough, ultimately leading to greater success and achievement.
Talk about motivation to focus less on our triggers and more on our Glimmers, which, conversely, creates a positive mindset and enhances all areas of our lives!
How Spotting Glimmers Helps You Improve Your Relationships
As you saw in the previous section, the ripple effect of a positive mindset can influence our relationships in several ways. By intentionally focusing on glimmers, we can begin to cultivate a positive mindset, which in turn improves our connections and appreciation for others, naturally leading to stronger, more harmonious relationships.
Let’s break down the ripple effect spotting Glimmers has on your relationships:
Increases Appreciation: By focusing on Glimmers, you start noticing the small acts of kindness, love or humor that your partner, friend or loved one shows you. This boosts appreciation for them, helping you feel more grateful and less likely to take them for granted.
Strengthens Positive Connections: When you actively seek out positive moments, you nurture the emotional bond between you and others. Whether it’s a smile, a gesture of care, or shared laughter, these glimmers reinforce your connection and create stronger, more supportive relationships.
Reduces Negative Focus: People often get caught up in negative aspects of relationships, but focusing on glimmers helps shift the narrative. Instead of over-focusing on disagreements or flaws, you start paying attention to the positive, creating a more balanced and harmonious relationship.
Improves Emotional Resilience: When you intentionally focus on the good moments, you’re more emotionally resilient during challenges. It helps you stay grounded and optimistic during tough times, reducing the likelihood of emotional reactivity and improving conflict resolution.
Fosters Empathy: By noticing glimmers in others, you’re more likely to understand their perspectives and motivations. Whether it’s recognizing their efforts, struggles, or vulnerabilities, it helps develop empathy, deepening your emotional connection.
Encourages Positive Communication: When you focus on what’s going well, you’re more likely to express appreciation and affection in conversations, which can create a positive feedback loop. This increases trust and communication, making your relationship feel more affirming.
Boosts Patience: Focusing on glimmers can remind you of the many qualities you admire in others, which helps increase patience in the face of misunderstandings or frustrations. Rather than jumping to conclusions, you’re more likely to approach situations with understanding.
Creates a More Supportive Environment: By actively seeking out and highlighting glimmers, you contribute to a more nurturing and supportive environment. The positivity you bring to the relationship can inspire others to do the same, resulting in a more caring and cooperative dynamic.
Deepens Trust: When you notice and acknowledge the positive moments, it helps foster a sense of safety in relationships. The consistent recognition of small, positive acts builds trust, as both people feel valued and cared for.
Enhances Overall Satisfaction: Focusing on glimmers brings more joy and fulfillment into your relationships. These moments can create a cumulative sense of contentment, making you feel more satisfied with your relationships as a whole, even during challenging times.
How to Spot and What to Do With a Glimmer
Now that we’re on the same page with how valuable of a practice it can be to spot Glimmers, let’s dig into the nitty gritty and learn (1) how to spot a Glimmer and (2) what to do when we spot one.
There are four steps that I’ll be breaking down in further detail:
Step One: Identify the glimmer
Step Two: Pause
Step Three: Take it all in with all of your senses
Step Four: Identify and Lean Into the Emotion
Identify the Glimmer
For this step, notice whenever you come upon something that makes you feel a positive emotion, such as: happy, peaceful, excited, grateful, etc. Identify and name that specific object, interaction or experience which is giving you “all the feels.”
Pause
Literally stop whatever else it is you’re doing (as long as it is safe to do so, obviously) and just exist in this moment. Hang out here, in this moment, for as long as possible, to soak it all in.
Take It All In with All of Your Senses
While you’re pausing, use as many of your senses as possible (sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell) to experience the Glimmer.
For example, if you’re enjoying a particularly good cup of coffee (say, a Grande Hot Americano from Starbucks – which is my favorite order by the way), notice the color of the coffee, the smell, the warmth and how the cup feels against your skin, the weight of it in your hands, the texture of the cup, the sounds you make when swallowing or tapping the cup like a Gen Z ASMR influencer, the feel of the warmth washing over your tongue, the bitterness you taste, etc. (Essentially, you’re doing the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise here but instead of applying it to your entire environment you’re focusing it on just one object or experience.)
If your Glimmer is an interaction with someone you love, for example, a hug from your spouse, note the weight of their body pressed against yours, the smell of any laundry detergent, perfume/cologne/deodorant, the feel of the texture of their clothing on your hands/arms/face, anything that might be in your line of vision (or just noticing the blackness behind your eyes as they are closed), any sounds coming from you or your spouse or in the background, etc.
Identify and Lean Into the Emotion
Consider the emotion that is being evoked by the Glimmer. Once you identify it, take some time to really lean into that emotion. Sit and bask in it, allowing yourself to experience it for as long as possible. Remember, this is a positive emotion so it’s good to make it last!
Tips for Implementing this Practice and Making it a Habit
Ultimately, in order for this practice to have the biggest influence on your relationship you need to become proficient at searching for and embracing Glimmers within your relationship. However, in the spirit of building this skill (yes, this is a skill which will require active focus to develop and turn into a habit), if you’re struggling to identify Glimmers within your relationships, I encourage you to practice finding Glimmers in your everyday life first.
Here are some practical tips for implementing this practice and turning it into a habit:
Start with a small goal of identifying just one Glimmer per day: First, you must work to develop an awareness. This is the most difficult hurdle to get through. Setting small, realistic goals can help with this, however. This keeps this exercise low pressure and prevents burnout or “Glimmer fatigue” from having to search for them everywhere. I just know that once you start to spot Glimmers and fully take them in, you’ll be inspired to keep going!
Log your Glimmers: Writing things down reinforces them in our brains better than simply speaking them out loud to someone else or to ourselves. When we take the time to write things down (on a consistent basis), such as affirmations or positive experiences, it creates new neural pathways in our brains which help to reinforce the positive messages and experiences we are writing about and trying to anchor, aiding us in shifting our mindset. It literally helps us to change our brain! Pretty cool, huh?
Create accountability for yourself by talking about your Glimmers with others: Talking about your Glimmers with others can create accountability for yourself to keep doing it. Once we begin to discuss our plans with others it’s easier to follow through on them (because we naturally want to avoid guilt or shame we may feel from not following through). Choose a trusted friend who you can give updates to regularly. Maybe show them this blog post and get them into it as well? Soon you both can be swapping Glimmer stories as official “Accountabili-buddies.”
Self-reflect to identify where your roadblocks are: If you find that you’re consistently getting to the end of your day without even a thought about Glimmers, consider why this might be.
Is it a short term memory concern? Set a timer on your phone or watch to go off halfway through the day, serving as a reminder to be on the lookout for Glimmers. Placing other reminders throughout your environment, such as post it notes or vision boards is also a great way to remind yourself.
Are you so busy jumping from task to task each day that your to-do list clouds your consciousness and you forget all about this cool, new practice you want to do to transform your relationships? Use tools like meditation and Journaling to help combat this.
Meditation helps you slow down and clear the clutter from your mind. No more noise, no more racing thoughts. This better positions you to spot Glimmers as they present themselves.
Journaling can help you to reinforce the idea that you’re aiming to move through life more intentionally. Make it a practice to start each day by journaling for 5 minutes to set intentions for your day. Make sure you set an intention to spot at least one Glimmer each day for at least 30 days, or until it becomes truly habitual.
Now, if you’ve never mediated or journaled a day in your life and are unclear how to get started, I have you covered. I’ve written an eBook called: Journey Within: A Guide to Strengthening the Connection to Yourself and Others. In it you’ll find practical tips and exercises to:
- Start a meditation and journaling practice
- Implement a Self-Care routine to help you better cope with stress so you remain connected to yourself and your important relationships
- Lessons and exercises on performing shadow work
- Lessons and exercises on uncovering limiting beliefs
- Lessons and exercises on processing common negative emotions
Curious to learn more about shadow work? Check out my previous blog post titled: How I Did “The Work” to Feel More Connected to Myself and Improve My Relationships
Additional Resources
If you’d like to explore coaching as a way to further develop your relationship skills, let’s connect! Schedule a complimentary 30 minute discovery call here, to see if it would be a good fit.
Check out my “Work With Me” page of my website to learn more about me and my coaching methods and pricing.
Also, if coaching isn’t your thing but you are still interested in learning more about the skills I promote in my coaching practice and blog as vital to all relationships, I’ve written and released an ebook that you can get here on my website called: Journey Within: A Guide to Strengthening the Connection with Yourself and Others. It contains information and exercises you can implement into your daily practice that help you to transform your ability to connect with yourself and others, thus improving your relationships. The exercises within are the exact ones I have used while doing my own shadow work, to:
- Better understand myself, my emotions, and why I do the things I do
- Improve my self-confidence and self love
- Improve my Relationships
- Achieve Better Emotional Regulation
- Discover my hidden inner strengths and talents
- Increased my empathy and compassion towards others
- Reduce or eliminate my self-sabotaging behaviors
I create content about important skills which impact the health and quality of relationships, including self-care, healthy coping, communication, mindfulness, meditation, and shadow work. Follow me on these social platforms for more content:
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